God and Ambitions....

"Ambition knows no god"...I read this line in some book long back. I couldn't understand it then. I went on to aim many achievements and forgot it completely. I always thought that to lead an ambition free life is something next to impossible. Human being is bound to have some ambitions to progress ahead in life. And I was no exception to it. I used to have 100 ambitions in life. It is difficult sometimes to think beyond ambitions. The life of a small kid is about playing, enjoying life and spending time the way every kid will do. A small kid is always the most innocent soul on this planet, free from all worries, struggles yet to come and race of survival of the fittest. The moment he/she starts growing, people tell them to be something, to do something extraordinary which nobody else has ever done before, to achieve a lot in life, to have ambitions, to excel in life.

I was also a free soul earlier when I was a kid. I never had any ambitions of making it to high. Some time later, when I was growing, I started getting influenced from people around me. I didn't know about this harsh outside world then. I thought if I manage to achieve something big, land up somewhere where I can earn like hell, become a famous name and a powerful person...then only my life will be better. I used to dream days and nights to succeed in whatever work I do. I don't say that dreaming to excel in life is not good. One should always dream to be better than before and self. But I was competing against the world. Whenever I achieved anything, I was happier that I left someone behind in the competition. I never felt content that it is something which is an outcome of my efforts. I was craving more for the appreciation from people who were competing with me. I think it happens with most of the people. Climbing higher in someone's mind holds more importance than climbing the ladder of success.

Later on, I proceeded ahead on the same track. I have been a very weak person from inside. Success pushed me to go out in the world and let people know about it. And when failure enveloped me, I hated stepping out of my own sphere of solitude. And this attitude never let me become more than an insect. To become a good human being was an uphill task for me. Over the years, I realized that no success and failure is able enough to distract you from becoming a good human being. I realized that I forgot to live my life first, to be a good human being around, to help people in need, to listen to the inner voice of god inside me. My inner voice didn't wake me up when I was aiming towards achieving success. Though success also never made me happy completely. Because I aspired for something else after that and it continued on and on. These mirages of "what next now" formed a cobweb around me and I didn't take out time to know where my life is heading. Everytime, there was a material aim and an avarice desire. When I felt suffocated in this mesh around me, I remembered this line one day, " Ambition knows no god". Then I realized that I forgot to talk to god all this while.

I was an atheist till 12th standard. Protected by my family and too busy in all mundane affairs, I always denied the existence of god. I used to think nobody else loves and protects you other than your family. I never needed god before. Needing someone doesn't let us to appreciate our true feelings. Family can be a need, but god can't be. My mother tried hard to ignite my faith in god. But faith can't be ignited or forced in anyone. It has to originate naturally and on its own. I started getting closer to god after I joined college. I had developed my own beliefs in god. I used to visit temples a lot and used to search him there. I thought may be the peace inside a temple is required to connect with him. I used to converse with him in temples. After some time, I felt that peace inside a mind is more important than peace inside a temple. And then, my god started communicating with me every moment. Even when I am home, or outside, or in a temple, or doing any work. It has been 8 long years of my faith in god.

He asked me one day" Where are you heading towards? Is this what I created you for? Material gains, plastic ambitions and greedy desires? I want you to feel the happiness inside you first and you are looking for it everywhere in this world. Look within yourself. You have wrapped yourself in your artificial ambitions. How will you listen to my voice then? Ambitions can't accompany you till the end, I can. But, you have to be friend with your soul first. No success makes you happy and gives you peace of mind, still you are running after it whole life?" Those questions wrenched me completely. I feel I woke up after a long sleep. I feel I spent past 25 years in running after hollow ambitions. Every success and failure fades away eventually and nothing material leaves any mark on me. I felt the day I die and meet god, I won't even have one mark to show on my soul of any good deeds I did here.

My life has been a blend of many ambitions and desires for me and my family so far. Ambition should be to live life. Ambition shouldn't be to die for worldly pleasures all the time. And today, I feel again like the free soul of a kid I was. I feel ambition-less. I don't feel to achieve anything now, no gains, no material success. The only ambition which is left now is to find myself. I listen to my inner voice more than ever I did before. I feel the presence and protection of god with me more than ever I felt before. My quest to be a good human being begins now. Though it took very long, but I believe...to be a good human being, one doesn't need to go any extra miles. Just believe in god and try to be friends with your soul. He will take care of everything after that. I realize now that I was right. God can't be a need, he is the soul of life. And ambitions don't accompany us till the end, but he does....always...