The beauty unseen....

After mentioning about my blind music teacher in my last post, I received a few requests and messages of people willing to know about him. Since I have already posted his story on my old rediffblog, I am not posting his story word by word again. And because rediff people and I don't work well together, I will let this blog to disentangle more threads about him here. This post is not his complete story. It is more of the relation we both shared when I was his student. This post is an account of the invaluable conversations we did then. Before I begin, I would like to introduce him to this world.

I was kind of complaining and negative attitude person till the moment I met him. My life starts with him when I was in 3rd standard. My father got me admitted to the local music school of that town despite my reluctance in learning music. He used to take first year class in the school. And I thank god that I got the chance to learn my first step of music from him. Had it been someone else other than him, I wouldn't have known some beautiful aspects of life along with his music lessons. He was a very humble and gentle man and he was quite easy on students. Since the day I began with him, I was attracted to the magnetic persona. His blindness by birth never let me think even for a moment that it could obstruct me to connect with that deep soul.

He never went to regular school, never enjoyed the tits-bits lovely moments and happiness of life. After graduating from my music school, he joined there only as a music teacher and started teaching students. He fulfilled all his responsibilities as a son and a brother. His brother and sisters got settled in their personal and professional lives with his earnest dedication and care. He remained unmarried and stayed all alone his life. But he searched his being in music. My school and the students studying there became his world. His capturing smile and energy and desire to live life taught me that life is not about fretting and regretting over what we don't have, infact it's about living and looking at life through a vision that says life is beautiful even if it doesn't give you whatever you desire.

I used to sit near to him all the time not only to learn what he is teaching but also to feel how he feels music. He couldn't see all of us sitting, yet he saw music better than anyone I have met. Music was not a profession for him...it was a worship of god, life and his soul for him. At home, while practicing his lessons...I used to close my eyes to get into the mode he used to be. My class was always 2 hours long, but I used to reach earlier to learn what I couldn't do in the regular class. I still remember him recognizing me from my footstep and calling my name after entering the class. We did long practice sessions when I represented my school on State level. And those moments turned out to be the most beautiful moments of my being. It used to be heaven for me in that room with me only and my teacher around immersing to the core of music and life.

What a lovely relation it was....between a man who never saw anything in his life and a girl who never saw life in anything. He penetrated in my mind somehow and realized my attitude towards life. He told me one day" You sing really well, your voice tells me that you are a good human being. That is the first step of being a good musician. Only a good person can be a good singer. Music is not like cramming your text-books and writing your exams. You first need to pass the exam within yourself. If you can't see the life in a positive light, you won't be able to see the beauty of music." And I wondered how one can see music. I asked him.

And he replied"Ofcourse, we can see music. You open your eyes and see everything running and moving around in this world, you see all the evils, miseries and troubles with good things ofcourse. Just close your eyes once, you will see only beautiful things inside your soul, you will rather feel. God can't be seen, values can't be seen, pleasure can't be seen and emotions can't be seen...still you see their beauty, you feel them. Same way, music can't be seen...still it is visible in the same divine form as god is."I used to listen all these precious words silently. Life had started turning in a beauty for me with him. I asked him one day" Sir, you don't feel bad or don't you complain to god that he made you blind? Life could have been better for you other way."

And he smiled" No, life is better for me the way I want to see it. I have questions for god, not complaints. May be, I will ask him this question when I die and meet him. But that day is far ahead. Why should I spend my life in complaining or blaming him? Let me live this life first that he blessed. I am saving all my questions for the day I meet him." And I used to think, only able and complete people have that attitude. He was lacking vision and still life was a beauty for him. I wonder sometimes that we don't feel meeting and making relations with such people. When we avoid these people, we make ourselves devoid of an inner pleasure which we find only with such kind of human beings.

When I graduated and was leaving my school, I went to seek his blessings. I couldn't tell him this during my learning. But since it was last day at school, I said" Sir, I can't express in words what I have learned from you. I really wish and pray that one day I have enough money, I will try my best to get your eyes operated and help you see this world." He smiled and said" God bless you dear, I don't want to discourage you and I sincerely appreciate your concern for me. But my eyes can't be operated. I am blind by birth. And such people are destined to live this way. For all these years, I have made music my eyes. Let me live my life this way only."

He sensed my disappointment and then he said" Why are you feeling bad? I see everything in this world and I will definitely see. Main tumhari aankhon se is duniya ko dekhunga na...do you believe any doctor can give me more beautiful eyes than you can give?I don't think so. If you really want to help me seeing, just be a good human being and see life as a beauty. Not only me, but other vision less people will also see the beauty through your eyes. Will you be my eyes for this life?"...And I nodded my head.

I might have seemed a bit off track in this post, but I am emotionally very attached to my guru. When I wrote this, I was just feeling those moments....Sir,I have no words to explain how you transformed my life. I saw the unseen beauty of life through you. I close my eyes and see music and god inside me. I feel all the beautiful features. I open my eyes and I see you seeing all the beauty of this world through me. I know you would never be able to read this...but I definitely want to tell that you still live in my music and me....and till the moment I am able to see the world, you will see the world....