After many months, again I am writing something which might not appeal male population of our country. This is more of a heart - wrenching altercation with a college classmate years ago. I guess I was in my Final year then. My college mates know me for two reasons...one, for always being occupied with books and studies & two, for standing up for humans & beliefs. I used to get indulge in arguments with them for reasons people don't want to fight for. Some reasons are true and deeply rooted in our daily basis life. We fret over them but still don't get inclined to stand against them. May be we want an easy life and don't want to invite unnecessary trouble for ourselves.I have often been termed and labelled as a female chauvinist. One who doesn't want to oppose females & always support them blindly. I know people can not be judged by their genders, belongings, assets & liabilities. But unfortunately I got reasons to stand for women more than men. May be, because even in this 21st century they are still tortured, thrown and trampled upon. I knew I always had this urge to stand against beliefs disrespecting women and this conversation although may seem useless to many, it reinforced my belief in myself.
I arrived on time for the class but the class was cancelled. My classmates & I sat down for a chat to pass time.We had some light discussion but then something came up which didn't appeal me as the conversation rather opinion among 21st century youth. The favourite subject among college goers is career and the second most obvious is marriage. I had a classmate who was a day scholar there. He was the only child of his parents & belonged to a typical rajasthani family. I have spent 18 years of my life in Rajasthan and my family still stays there. I have nothing against the state and its culture. I have seen warmth, harmony and love in relations of those people. That's why it is more difficult for me to see those people talking and following this very concept.
He was among the brilliant students of my class. My professors and classmates used to expect a lot from him. We all were talking about our future career and then its always marriage the next thing where everyone's focus shifts to." Yes, talks of marriage will be the next on the cards after the placement is done. My family is waiting just for my placement and they will accelerate their search." He said. I was kind of astonished as how can people talk about marriage just after getting their offer letters in hand. Isn't there anything that comes between job offer and marriage talks? But I remained silent, I knew my concepts never used to appeal my collegemates. " Ya, parents ride fast once their children start earning. And once you get placed with a big software company, your rate will be as higher as you wish." a friend sitting to his next said.
I didn't understand this. " Excuse me! Rate will be higher? What do you mean by rate?" I interrupted. " Come on Purva, you are talking as if you don't understand anything. It is so prevalent in our society. Nobody denies it and nobody has a problem." the friend replied again. I never trusted that guy on his intelligency skills and may be he was the last person in my class I would want to talk to. But he was talking something which was beyond my understanding as well." Are you talking about "Dowry"? Is he going to ask for money from the girl's family because he will be a great software professional?" And then finally the prospective groom entered the picture.
"Dowry? It isn't called dowry. It is the love, support and understanding of a father that I will be able to support his daughter well. And I will take care of her my whole life, she will be dependent on me every time. She will need my support and I will have to stand by her all time. For that, if her father helps me with some money, what's so harm in that?" He declared.
I was shocked after he stopped. I thought I will leave from there but didn't know somehow I had to stand against it. May be not for me, may be not for the girl he will marry, not even for her family...but for womanhood. " Oh, it isn't dowry. It is the mutual understanding of your and her family. What a beautiful way to show and have the understanding! You want to get into a huge software firm to claim 50 lakhs from a girl's father? You believe you can't earn that much? A father will take care of his daughter whole life, will help her so that she can be independent enough just to hand over his daughter to a wimp like you because he will feed her whole life, he will give her clothes to wear and a roof to stay under. Can't she earn? If you really need money, get a girl who is capable enough to work & earn. That will complement you both. But you guys don't want your women to stop peeling potatoes and come out of kitchen to stand strong with you. You want them to be chickens inside the house and for feeding them, you need money from their families. She is a maid or what? Are you going to pay her for the service she provides to you and your family? You won't. Because whatever a woman does for her man is her duty, but whatever a man does for the woman is his favour & obligation for her. Isn't it? I thought we are engineers, 21st century youth and we have come far ahead of these cliche. But you guys proved me wrong. It doesn't mean which college we go to or what course we do, we will still be like this. What are we...dealers?"
Everyone present there started laughing on me. " Oh my god, you have gone mad, Purva. It is just a small thing. Why are you making a big issue out of it? Calm down. Even your father will think about it and do it at the time of your marriage. It is a common ritual to be followed."they wanted to console me. But it didn't help." I am sorry guys. I don't agree.Whatever a centuries old ritual could be...it doesn't mean that is right. I don't see things in terms of rituals & traditions. I see them in the light of right & wrong. If you hold a ritual and are brave enough to face the world in front of you with it, follow that ritual. But you won't ever do that. And you know why. Because you don't want a marriage which unites two souls. You want a business deal to happen. I wish you luck in this process of selling yourself and buying a girl." I left after that.
After one and half years, I came to know that he got married to a girl whose father gave him 30 lakhs cash, a car and few other utilities. I was in United States for my Masters then. Sometimes, I feel it is of no use for me to study that hard. I may be a topper of my class, earn as much as the guy does, have my own identity, may do wonders. But someday people will still stand up and want to buy me. No wonder, people kill their girl child and throw them in garbage. It is better than selling them....
